he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
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