I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
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