I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
Randomize
