I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
