there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Randomize