i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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