Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
Randomize
