Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
Randomize
