i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Randomize
