he wants to bone in the snuggie
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Randomize
