i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
