Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
