everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
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