The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Randomize