Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
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