my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
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