I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Randomize