Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
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