youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
I'm always down for nudity.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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