I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
Randomize
