I smell stomach acid.
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
Randomize
