I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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