Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize