She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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