jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
Randomize
