Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
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