He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
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