"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Randomize
