If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
Randomize