Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
Randomize
