What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
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