oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
Four minutes until I can fart!
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize