she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
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