You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
Randomize
