I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
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