I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
Randomize
