The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Randomize
