dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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