this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Randomize
