Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Randomize
