I just pynch a tree in the face
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
