I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
Randomize
