He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
Randomize
