Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
Randomize
