Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
The air was thick with penises
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize