so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
Randomize
