So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Randomize