home. puking in laundry basket.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
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