I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
