She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
