Lets evaluate? U kissed one boss and lef twith another man. I cock teased the other, hardcore had a tongue jammed down my throat, made out w aa third then left in a cab w alex w them all yelling at me and offering rides. My cheek was also licked and bitten by 2 other men and we almost made out (u and me) because they asked. were hired.
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
Barsexuality is the new black.
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
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