Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
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