I'm laying in your front yard are you home
Taylor Swift is so right about you.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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