dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
