I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
