How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Randomize
