Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
Randomize
