You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
Randomize