highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
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