FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Randomize