apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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