i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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