I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
Randomize
