I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
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