The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
