Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
why would she put his p in her m after it was in her a? that's gross
its gross she let him put his p in her a nevermind his p in her m after p in her v. cleaning up is necessary
i put my m on your v after my p was in your v. no big deal
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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