woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Randomize
