he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
