You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
