i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
Randomize
