Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
