some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
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