I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
