She went from zero to smokin in five shots
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
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