found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
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