Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
