please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
