how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
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