I wannas sexs uuuuu
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
Randomize
